IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

These days,too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine,rather than by following a healthy lifestyle Do you agree or disagree

#people #health #doctors #medicine #lifestyle
The world we are living in at the present time provides us with numerous high-technology services, and
that is
 one of the reasons why a large number of
people
 are relying their
health
 on medicine and doctors.
However
, I believe there is a significant quantity of citizens concerned with physical conditions and creating their own positive lifestyles. It is easy to observe a person working too hard and forgetting to take good care of their
health
. We could easily recognize a youngster studying for their final exam who ignores his/her physical
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
show examples
.
This
 is mainly because these nowadays technologies could provide us with as many as we need treatment for our
health
 deterioration. Plus, it could include the reason of their young age, which means their physical, as well as mental conditions, are not damaged dramatically if they are consuming fast foods or having an unhealthy sleeping routine.
However
, there is a large number of
people
 around us are trying to follow a healthy lifestyle. They focus on
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 truly healthy diet that leads them to a positive life afterwards.
For instance
, they try to do exercise every day so as to build a strong and fit body, as well as allow blood to flow fluently. A healthy meal consisting of no oil and fat must be a need, it contributes to our efficient digestion.
People
 following
this
 type of lifestyle is having little chance of risking their
health
 in trouble when they go into old age. In conclusion,
although
 many
people
 are choosing unhealthy routines, there are a significant number of
people
 maintain their
health
 by building a healthy lifestyle. And in order to construct a community where
health
 is considered to be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
first
 priority, we need to erase our unhealthy life and change our
health
 care way.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: