In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the school promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children?

#countries #food #restaurants #companies #money #schools #school #products #children #development

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These days, in some nations, fast food chains and corporations support

schools

financially to promote their goods to pupils. In my opinion,

this

has a plethora of negative and positive effects on school

children

This

essay will

further

elaborate on my visions with illustrations and a lucid conclusion in the forthcoming paragraphs.

To begin

with,

schools

may afford their students' requirements by gaining money from these eating places and businesses. By receiving money, colleges are able to set up new facilities that students benefit from.

For instance

, my university's engineering department has an agreement with a cafe and

this

cafe makes a high profit by selling fast food.

This

is beneficial for both the university and the cafe.

Secondly

, the administration of

schools

would set up new facilities by using financial aid so that teenagers use them.

Additionally

, giving an opportunity to choose restaurants the freedom to

children

makes them more confident.

On the other hand

, allowing these restaurants into

schools

may lead to diseases if they are unhealthy.

This

is because fast food contains high sugar.

Hence

this

may result in heart

diseases

Fix the agreement mistake

disease

show examples

as well as

obesity.

For example

, the latest study, conducted by researchers reveals that %67 juveniles eat fast

foods

schools

due to

being easily accessible.

Moreover

this

research, surprisingly illustrates that more than half of the parents of these pupils permit their

children

to eat healthy nutrition rather than junk

foods

. In conclusion, to recapitulate, the aforementioned arguments, It is acceptable that fast-food restaurants and brands aimed to sell their

foods

schools

because of their profits.

However

, authorities should make regulations and restrict fast

foods

schools

due to

their

adversely

Change the word

adverse

show examples

impacts on

children

Submitted by emircanby on Fri Jul 08 2022

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task achievement

Ensure to provide more balanced arguments for both positive and negative effects, as well as link them explicitly back to the development of children.

coherence cohesion

Improve transitions between ideas to achieve better flow and readability. This will enhance the logical structure of the essay.

task achievement

Expand on the examples given to better illustrate and support your points. This will contribute to more comprehensive and clear ideas.

task achievement

The essay successfully introduces the topic and provides a clear stance.

coherence cohesion

The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the main arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

280 words

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In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the school promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the best way to run a business is within the family, while others find a family-run business unsuccessful. Discuss both opinions and present your own.