IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that government should spend their money on elderly people's care. However, other people say that government should focus more on education for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a widely accepted belief that governments should concentrate on seniors’ well-being
while
Linking Words
 the counterargument for it is that juniors need to be prioritised. In my opinion, I firmly believe both generations should be equally treated
due to
Linking Words
 their importance and significance. On the one hand, taking care of aged citizens is crucial when it comes to expressing gratitude. In fact, the dedication and contribution given by the elderly to a country in their early ages are irrefutable, especially when there were armed conflicts since it is synonymous with sacrifices, losses and ordeals that may haunt the
then
Linking Words
-fighters physically and mentally, for the rest of their lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, looking after aged individuals is the most effective and visible way to show homage
as well as
Linking Words
 pay tribute to their past endeavours. An example of
this
Linking Words
 justification is Vietnam, where there is a wide range of welfare and medical care policies aiming at ensuring health for veterans who fought in bygone wars.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, investing in the young generation means the future growth of a state is seriously considered. Apparently, children and adolescents will become the new constructors who would offer great contributions to the advancement of a country's economy, resulting in the improvement in living standards of the whole population.
Hence
Linking Words
, instructing young residents on how to become valuable citizens is crucial for a nation to become increasingly strong and thriving.
For instance
Linking Words
, Finland has the best educational system in the world because they know the potential benefits of the young generation in terms of national development. In conclusion, there are sound reasons to defend the two mentioned views. In my opinion, simultaneously caring for both previous and current generations should be made mandatory and under no circumstances should a government give either side greater benefits than the other.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The body paragraphs should each introduce a clear central topic which is then developed.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs together, but avoid overusing them which can lead to a mechanical feel.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more detailed and directly relevant to the question.
task achievement
Aim for a well-rounded argument by discussing both viewpoints thoroughly and equally before arriving at a conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your discussion and clearly states your opinion, linking back to the question.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: