IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

it is important for everyone including young people to save money fot their future. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Saving
money
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 for
future
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 needs is important for all individuals despite their ages.
While
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 some would hold an opposing viewpoint, I am fully in favour of the argument that people should prioritize saving
money
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 for their
future
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.
This
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 essay will outline the key reasons supporting
this
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 position. There are several reasons why people should reduce their ongoing expenses in order to secure
money
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 for
future
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 use. A primary reason is that securing
future
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 funds will provide individuals with financial independence and openness to various choices. Another reason is that being financially secure increases peace of mind and well-being. To illustrate
this
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, knowing that you have savings set aside means you can take care of yourself in case of emergency or disaster.
Furthermore
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, having some amount in savings can help to limit the amount of debt needed.
Moreover
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, I strongly maintain that learning to secure
money
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 , particularly at a young age, has many positive impacts on children.
Firstly
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, children will be more aware of their spending
as well as
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 becoming more appreciative of
money
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.
Secondly
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,
this
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 will develop young individuals' personalities by strengthening their ability to make wise and stable
future
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 decisions.
Finally
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, many people will achieve their
future
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 goals if they are able to manage their expenses at a young age.
For example
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, early
money
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 saving will allow high school graduates to be able to pay
universities
Change the noun form
university
show examples
 fees without the burden of getting student loans. In conclusion, I am convinced that securing funds is essential for all members of society, and I
therefore
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 unequivocally support
this
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 perspective for the reasons discussed above.

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task achievement
Make sure to give clear examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help your ideas flow better.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is great!
task achievement
You provide good reasons for saving money, which are well explained.
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