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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think women should play an equal role in the police and military while others think women are less suitable for these roles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #police #roles
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The issue of
women
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's
roles
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 in the
police
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 and military has elicited divergent opinions. Some argue for
gender
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equality
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, advocating that
women
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 should play an equal role in these institutions,
while
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 others believe that certain
roles
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 may not be suitable for
women
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and present my opinion on the matter. Supporters of
gender
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equality
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 argue that
women
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 possess the necessary skills and abilities to thrive in the
police
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 and military. Advancements in training and technology have reduced the significance of physical strength in these professions.
Women
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 have demonstrated competence and dedication in various fields, showing their potential to serve alongside men effectively. Emphasizing equal opportunities can foster diversity and create a progressive society that values merit over
gender
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.
Conversely
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, some contend that certain
roles
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 within the
police
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 and military may be physically demanding and less suitable for
women
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. Safety and unit cohesion concerns are raised, especially in combat situations where physical strength and endurance are crucial. Traditional
gender
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 norms and biases may
also
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 influence
this
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 perspective, leading to
skepticism
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scepticism
show examples
 about
women
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's capabilities in high-stress and hazardous environments. In conclusion, the question of
women
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's
roles
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 in the
police
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 and military has elicited contrasting viewpoints.
While
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 some argue for
gender
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equality
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, others raise concerns about suitability based on physical differences.
However
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, my perspective leans towards promoting
gender
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equality
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 as
women
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 have proven their capabilities and potential to excel in various domains. By focusing on merit, rigorous training, and inclusive policies, we can build a stronger and more diverse
police
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 and military force.
Submitted by mr.jailybaev on

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task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing both perspectives on women's roles in the police and military. However, incorporating more specific examples or statistical data could strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning real-life examples of women who have succeeded in these fields would offer more concrete evidence.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use linking phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand' to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written, clearly outlining the topic and summarizing your stance effectively.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of both viewpoints and provides a balanced discussion of the issues at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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