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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the adavantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies #adavantages
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The education
Correct article usage
Education
show examples
 plays a vital role in our life. Even though, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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knowing the importance of it there are few nations which have a belief that along with adherence
of
Change preposition
to
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 knowledge
their
Replace the word
there
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 is a necessity to spend some spare
time
Use synonyms
 on vacation or doing a job for a complete year after completing higher secondary. It is evident that whatever decision is taken in life has its own merits and demerits. The adolescent group is
also
Linking Words
 known to be the future of a country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on
one
Use synonyms
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 if they join a working sector it will enable their ability to decide which passion to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 for the upcoming
time
Use synonyms
 whereas , a tour will ensure spending a quality
time
Use synonyms
 with itself which aids in self- understanding. While ,
on the other hand
Linking Words
Add the comma(s)
,
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it may
head
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lead
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towards
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to
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Correct your spelling
choosing
closing
chosing
Correct your spelling
choosing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong path if not under strict
guidance
Replace the word
guidelines
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 and
also
Linking Words
 delay in studies. Certainly, it is
Correct your spelling
crucial
curcial
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crucial
 to take a break for spiritual growth or involvement
Correct your spelling
in a
show examples
ina
Correct your spelling
in a
show examples
 specific field for the enhancement of expenditure. It is well known that there are some companies which recruit students those who have just cleared their board examination though there are travel agencies which
offers
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offer
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 good packages to attract tourists especially young generation for capitalization. The positive point is that it leads to
understand
Change the verb form
understanding
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the
soul
Correct your spelling
sole
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 purpose of life and
moreover
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 an individual will be able to recognise
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
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 best area of interest.
However
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, will it be enough
time
Use synonyms
 period to accomplish
this
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 goal
.
Change the punctuation
?
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On the contrary
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, it mends to take a wrong
decison
Correct your spelling
decision
 along with
laging
Correct your spelling
lagging
 behind in
this
Linking Words
 competitive world.
Reseach
Correct your spelling
Research
 was conducted to observe the behaviour of
this
Linking Words
 community, which proved that if they are not under the guidance of an elder person it turns
againt
Correct your spelling
against
 them as they forget their aim to achieve.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the world is becoming a stage of
competition
Add an article
the competition
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, if
one
Use synonyms
 takes a step back
realted
Correct your spelling
related
 to
thie
Correct your spelling
the
this
 career it becomes almost impossible to adjust in
this
Linking Words
 for survival. Henceforth, it is of utmost need to walk along with the
Use synonyms
time lapse
Add a hyphen
time-lapse
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 and the society for a successful living.
on
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In
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conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion
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, it is evident that each perspective has its own pros and cons as it is mandatory that
one
Use synonyms
 should commute to spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 but along with it keeping an eye on track plays a key role.
Therefore
Linking Words
, each point should be kept in mind prior
taking
Change preposition
to taking
show examples
 any step forward. It can be predicted that in the upcoming era
one
Use synonyms
 will hardly get some spare
time
Use synonyms
 to spend for themselves.
Submitted by gurmanpreetk77 on

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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