IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many young people say that mobile phones are the most important object that they own. Does the popularity of mobile phones among young people have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #phones #object #popularity
In contemporary society, there is a rising amount of young individuals who argue that cellular
phones
 are the most crucial object that they own. Personally, I strongly believe that
this
 approach has more drawbacks than advantages.
Firstly
, mobile
phones
 might be harmful and,
secondly
, they may reduce personal contact. It cannot be denied, that everyday use of
smartphones
 may deteriorate people´s well-being. The
phones
 themselves emit radiation and what is more the majority of nowadays
smartphones
 are consistently connected to the internet, which enhances the radiation markedly. Linked to
this
, using
smartphones
 permanently, may alter people´s
health
.
For instance
, a huge evidence-based article was recently published by The University of Cambridge, which argues that using
smartphones
 before sleep, alters the central nervous system considering the screens are very bright. To elaborate
this
further
, the levels of hormones necessary for proper sleep deteriorate, which
subsequently
 might be a source of other
health
 issues.
Moreover
, the study argues that the fertility of younger generations has been decreasing rapidly on account of cell
phones
.
Additionally
, I firmly believe, that mobile
phones
 with a vast number of different communication applications have decreased crucial face-to-face interactions dramatically.
Moreover
, dependence on
such
 devices is built frighteningly easily, which may again have a damaging effect on mental
health
, and communication skills and encourage a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, the majority of young men are not able to call a girl they like for dinner personally, but just through a message. To conclude, from the aforementioned examples, mobile
phones
 may have a serious impact on an individual’s physical
health
 as well as communication skills.
Submitted by sevcik.karol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: