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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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The technologies that enhance our organizations and our lives are more powerful, and essential than ever before. Forward-thinking organizations, including governments, understand the technological forces that surround them and look for ways to harness them for the benefit of citizens and constituents alike. On the one hand,
technology
 is being used to ensure the
security
 and identity
management
 of people by the
government
. Electronic monitoring
such
 as cameras and drones may be used to enforce laws and ensure
security
 to bring safety to citizens.
Besides
, digital identity
management
 is an application of
technology
 that helps the
government
 manage the profile of
residents
.
For instance
, converting citizen identification cards to a chip that stores all information on the internet system or digital format
also
 helps the authorities easily track down criminals to ensure justice is safe.
Furthermore
, GPS
technology
also
 helps the
government
 manage the location of its citizens to bring strict
security
management
 to
residents
.
On the other hand
, the great benefits of
technology
 are in ensuring the safety of the public,
therefore
, the
government
 spends a lot of money on it.
However
, excessive investment in GPS or digital identity causes them to lose privacy in life.
This
 creates problems that make people uncomfortable because their every
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 or location is regularly updated on the map and observed by the authorities.
On the other hand
, these digital
management
 tools help the
government
 closely manage people and their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, and easily arrest criminals to bring safety to
residents
.
Thus
, spending money on these technologies is appropriate to improve the quality of
residents
' lives. In conclusion, countries invest strongly in new technologies to ensure widespread
security
 and other.
This
 proves that the benefits of them are enough to ignore their limitations.
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Introduction Clarity
Enhance the clarity of your introduction by directly addressing the question. A more explicit thesis statement summarizing your viewpoint on whether it's appropriate for governments to invest in technology for dealing with the public could strengthen your argument.
Balanced Argument
In developing paragraphs, try to balance the discussion of benefits and disadvantages to provide a more nuanced argument. Including counterarguments or more diverse perspectives can enrich the analysis.
Conclusion Strength
Consolidate your conclusion by reiterating your stance more forcefully. Restate the key benefits and drawbacks discussed, summarizing why, on balance, you believe government investment in technology is justified or not.
Linking Words
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs and within them. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
Use of Examples
You made good use of specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Logical Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear progression from introduction to conclusion—this aids in overall coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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