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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their communities. This is good for the individuals concerned and society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Discuss, based on your knowledge and experience.

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Some
people
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 believe that young
people
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 should be obliged to join community work. They argue that it is beneficial for both teenagers and society.
Likewise
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, I affirm
this
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 notion because volunteerism is a significant factor in an individual's personal development and social awareness.
To begin
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 with, through volunteer work, several students realize their strengths and weaknesses. When someone is contributing to campaigns and projects and getting to comprehend real-life results, that person will appreciate how his attributes and actions can create a difference. Some of these qualities are things that students cannot get a constructive response to in school. To illustrate, a student may learn that he finds taking charge of a team difficult or may perceive that he possesses excellent coping
skills
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 with stressful scenarios.
As a result
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,
such
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 exposure to various situations can train young citizens to develop
skills
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further
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 that they own and work on areas they struggle in. Volunteerism can develop young
people
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's ability to flourish
skills
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 in leadership, teamwork, communication, and critical thinking.
Furthermore
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, many volunteers find that community services make them more acquainted with and engrossed in social issues.
For example
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, suppose a person works every day in a homeless facility. In that case, he will have the opportunity to dispel conventional images about the causes of homelessness
while
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 learning about the particular challenges that homeless
people
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 encounter on the streets.
Consequently
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, once a person acknowledges the adversities that other groups of
people
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 face, he is more likely to actively participate in transforming policies and social structures hindering specific individuals from succeeding. These can be implemented in various forms, like campaigning and continuous volunteering for significant causes. With community service, society is given a chance to attain tremendous changes, especially for the impoverished and vulnerable sectors. In conclusion, knowledge and
skills
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 are not only achieved in academic institutions but
also
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 outside their comfort zones.
Therefore
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, I believe that teenagers should consistently and actively engage in several volunteer activities.

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coherence cohesion
Add stronger topic sentences to each body paragraph to clearly outline the main point of the paragraph. Ensure that each idea flows logically from one to the next to improve coherence and cohesion.
task response
Provide a more critical analysis of the prompt and a deeper exploration of both sides of the argument. Consider including a counter-argument to demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid work
  • Community service
  • Individuals
  • Society
  • Responsibility
  • Empathy
  • Valuable skills
  • Experiences
  • Strong community
  • Well-being
  • Career opportunities
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