IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than earn a lots of money. Others disagree and think that good salary leads to better life. Discuuss both the views and give your opinion.

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In the contemporary era, people's perspectives on work have seen divergent views.
Therefore
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 the question of whether
job
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satisfaction
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 is more crucial than a high salary has become a matter of considerable debate. In my opinion, considering
job
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satisfaction
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 as a priority could provide enormous benefits compared to how much
one
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 earns. On
one
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 hand, it can be argued that advocates of a high salary contend that financial stability is crucial for a better quality of life. They argue that a substantial income affords individuals the ability to afford basic necessities, provide for their families, and pursue leisure activities.
Additionally
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, a good salary provides a sense of security and peace of mind, allowing individuals to save for the future and weather unexpected financial setbacks.
On the other hand
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, some proponents of
job
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satisfaction
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 argue that spending the majority of
one
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's waking hours in a fulfilling and enjoyable
job
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 leads to greater
overall
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 happiness and well-being. They assert that
job
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satisfaction
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 fosters intrinsic motivation and a sense of purpose, resulting in increased productivity and creativity.
Furthermore
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, individuals who derive
satisfaction
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 from their work are more likely to experience lower levels of stress and burnout, leading to better mental and physical health in the long run.
For example
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, artists, musicians, and writers often prioritize their passion and creative
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 over financial gain. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that spending the majority of
one
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's time in a
job
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 that brings joy and
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 ultimately leads to a more satisfying and meaningful life. In conclusion, prioritizing
job
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satisfaction
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 over financial gain contributes to greater
overall
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 happiness and well-being in the long term.

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Examples
You've done an excellent job in structuring your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To make your essay even stronger, consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments.
Linking
Your essay is well-organized, and the progression of ideas is logical. To enhance cohesion, you could use a wider range of linking words and phrases to more smoothly connect your ideas.
Opinion
To further refine your response, sharpening your stance in the introduction and conclusion could make your opinion even more impactful. While you do state your opinion, making it more prominent could strengthen your argument.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion were clearly present, effectively framing your discussion.
Task Response
You have successfully addressed the task, presenting a balanced discussion on the importance of job satisfaction versus high salary, and providing a clear, personal stance.
Coherence
Your essay is coherent, with a logical flow of ideas and well-supported main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • fulfilled
  • motivated
  • emotional well-being
  • financial stability
  • societal status
  • financial security
  • career progression
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • innovative
  • compromise
  • basic needs
  • long-term happiness
  • personal values
  • life stage
  • financial independence
  • luxury
  • positive relationships
  • personal growth
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