IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
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There are many scientific advances to get know what contains the
food
Use synonyms
 and drink that we buy.
Thus
Linking Words
, there are who believe the proof of bad aliments that damage
Correct article usage
the
show examples
population´s
health
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 is a reason to restrict the sale by grocery shops. In my opinion, I agree as it will greatly benefit society. A good reason to limit the sale of harmful
food
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 is the public
health
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system
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 could be improved. At the present, in many different ,
countries
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 public
health
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 is saturated and the diseases are related to what the population eat.
For instance
Linking Words
, Chile has a problem with obesity because the population buy
food
Use synonyms
 without have care about the damage.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
health
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system
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 is saturated, as a consequence,
people
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 have to wait for months for an appointment but if government stop the sale of bad
food
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this
Linking Words
 should help to diminish the saturation
system
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. Another point to consider is that having prohibited detrimental aliment means that the population will no longer have many
health
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problems
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 at the same time a good benefit to society. Indeed, there are studies to show
countries
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 happier is related to good
health
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some think the contrary, in developed
countries
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 it can be seen that fewer
people
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 with
problems
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 with what they eat and the life of the society is happier than in
countries
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 that do not pay attention to the
health
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system
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, if the government can reduce the rate of
illness
Replace the word
ill
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people
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, the public spending on healthcare will be reduced,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means, they can invest money in other
problems
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the money could be used for education, protecting the environment or reducing poverty. In conclusion, bad
food
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 and drinks ought to stop to sold in grocery shops as brings many benefits for the societies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, scientific
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
 are a good tool to get to know about what
people
Use synonyms
 eat and reduce
health
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problems
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by roberto.carrascopizarro on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
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