IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
In the digital age, It is no doubt that electronic devices like
computers
 are very common in our daily lives. Some people argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 overusing them will bring negative effects rather than positive on our children. I agree with
this
 statement and will discuss both points of view in the following essay. For the negative aspects, if children spend too much screen time not only
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 their physical health
such
 as eyesight
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 affects their social communication skills.
For example
, many youngsters
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have the
self-controlled
Replace the word
self-control
show examples
 ability so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they get addicted easier to some online games. They are willing to put more and more time into those games
instead
 of chatting with their peers or talking to adults. It may lead them to become isolated in society and have less interaction
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other people. As for the positive impacts, it is true that those devices can provide alternative ways to add extra information for learning. When teachers or parents are not able to explain
further
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
or teach their children,
computers
 or other applications are the different channels of study. Some of them have various materials like videos and small games, designed for different ages which can enhance their interests. While study becomes more interesting and fun, toddlers will become more proactive to learn and explore new things every day. In conclusion,
computers
 have brought many benefits, yet I believe excessive use in relation to
computers
 is likely to produce many
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
show examples
 at a young age
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if they are not able to use them correctly.
Submitted by man on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: