IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, it can be very difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#countries #people #age #jobs #measures
Over the past few years, finding an appropriate job for
people
 who are over 50 years has significantly converted to be hard. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons why
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation cannot be hired easily. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some actions should be taken to solve the problem.
To begin
 with, the major reason which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
Correct your spelling
unemployment
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 for
people
 who are over 50 is technology. These days all jobs require some basic knowledge and skills to work with computers and the Internet. As these
people
 may not use them to do their tasks,
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation will be the
companies
' priority.
For example
, sending emails or following up
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 tasks which should be done
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online platforms
such
 as Trello, can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
disappointed
Replace the word
disappointing
show examples
 job for older.
Moreover
, from the business management point of view,
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 who have
fresh
Add an article
a fresh
show examples
 mind to acquire new skills or can take risks to do new tasks in order to develop their performances in
Add an article
the work
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 should be the priority for a company.
Therefore
, in
this
 case, old
people
 cannot be hired
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
companies
 with
this
 belief. To solve the problem there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of steps that should be taken.
Firstly
, governments can force
companies
 to hire older
people
 by giving some offers to them.
For instance
, the tax which should be paid by
companies
 may be reduced when they hire over 3
people
 who are over 50 years old.
Secondly
,
companies
 can define new roles as a
consulstant
Correct your spelling
consultant
, because they have some valuable experiences which should not be denied.
Finally
, some workshops can
be hold
Change the verb form
be held
show examples
 in order to transfer elderly experiences to young
people
 which have some benefits for both groups. In conclusion, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 taking some steps to look for the best ways in order to hire well-experienced
people
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 governments and
companies
 which help the older to
Correct your spelling
fulfil
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their financial needs.
Submitted by egerdmain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • bias
  • stereotype
  • tech-savvy
  • adaptable
  • retraining
  • upskilling
  • employment regulations
  • job options
What to do next:
Look at other essays: