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Writing Samples
Band 7

recently, Australian children became fat. people claim it is schools responsibility to look after children health and exercise time. To what extent do you agree or disagree??

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Obesity has become a major problem ,especially among
children
Use synonyms
, recently, Australian
children
Use synonyms
 became fat. Many individuals believe that schools should be responsible for students' health and exercise time. I completely disagree with the statement. The essay discusses supporting arguments and relevant examples in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
initially
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,
children
Use synonyms
 spend limited time at school. Elaborating, students go to school in order to get knowledge and educate,
therefore
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,they schedule classes within that period,so that they may find it difficult to assure if the people over there are in correct shape or not.
For example
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, when I was in the institution we used to have a timetable, and teachers used to work
accordingly
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, though we had a sports period, it focused only on games, not on fitness.
Hence
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, the purpose we send our kids to the academy varies from the desired one.
However
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, the only role Centres can play is to make them aware.
Moreover
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, handling the crowd may not be possible.
In other words
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, educational institutions have more learners than lecturers,
which
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 they may find it difficult to check
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
all
scholar's
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars'
show examples
 well-being.
For instance
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, a class generally has 30-40
children
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, who are controlled by a single tutor. Adding on, instructors do not always monitor what they eat, or
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
their lifestyle .
Therefore
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, the family, with whom they stay are utmostly responsible for their physical health. To conclude, I do not agree with the given statement. Though school helps in the development of one mentally, it has nothing to do with body activities. Parents should take care of their child's fitness.

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