IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that governments should do more to make their citizens eat a healthy diet. Others believe that individuals must take responsibility for their own diet and health. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #citizens #diet #individuals #responsibility #health
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Having a healthy diet is essential for
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
show examples
 physical condition, which is common sense for many
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, whether
authority
Replace the word
authorized
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 or individuals should take responsibility is controversial. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that individuals should be responsible for their
health
Use synonyms
 condition because what type of
food
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 folk eat depends on
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as it is their choice to eat healthy or unhealthy. Unfortunately, most healthy
food
Use synonyms
 is not as delicious as
Add an article
an
show examples
unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 because it lacks tasty ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as sugar and fat.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 tend to eat unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 if they are not aware of its hazard. More importantly, it is a fact that healthy
food
Use synonyms
 like organic vegetables is way more expensive than industrialized junk
food
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such
Linking Words
 as chips. Some
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to eat unhealthily, but they have no choice because they cannot afford healthy
food
Use synonyms
. I believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should pay more attention to public
health
Use synonyms
. Citizens are taxpayers who support the operation of
governments
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
governments
Use synonyms
 should take care of citizens’ well-being, including
health
Use synonyms
 conditions. A healthy eating habit is essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to reduce the risks of getting some diet-related diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes or obesity.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 should make some policies to help the public establish awareness of the importance of a healthy diet and reduce the cost of healthy
food
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, they can ask
food
Use synonyms
 manufacturers to print the nutrition and original materials on the covers of the
food
Use synonyms
, which is already mandatory in many countries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they can put some budgets to support the healthy-
food
Use synonyms
-making companies to lower the price, just like what they have done to the electric vehicle industry, to encourage
people
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 to have a better diet.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 have the freedom to choose whether they eat healthily or not, I still believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should do more to improve the average level of citizens’
health
Use synonyms
 conditions.
Submitted by guppyyc on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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