Most societies have homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

Some

people

prefer to give money to vagabonds rather than help them to improve their lives. I strongly believe that they need more opportunities and community work.

First

off, most of the vagrants have growth in families with social or monetary problems.

For instance

, there are teenagers who have escaped from home because their parents are drug dealers or they suffer sexual harassment.

This

leads to mental illness and a lack of self-confidence. Communities should give them a home, a family and opportunities for work and studies so they can become successful professionals and persons.

Secondly

, being

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homeless is a lifestyle in some countries. In Australia, some

people

are homeless because they like not to have responsibilities and

instead

the government help them with cash. Giving money to vagabonds is a way to say do not worry we care about you.

However

, we are failing in to really help them. If the government can give them to see life in a good way so that they can become and achieve the goals that they want,

then

there would not be homeless

people

, there would be

people

without homes but with a successful life. I believe that if a person does not like to become a better person it is because no one has shown them how great it feels when you get to the top of the mountain. In conclusion, the homeless can spend money on drugs and even guns and they would become a problem for society but giving them work opportunities and health treatment that would make a difference.

Submitted by ing.dianamora on Sun Jul 24 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

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Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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