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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing . Others believe that we should try to cooperate more , rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, the world has rapidly changed, and people are increasingly encouraged to engage in
competition
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 at the workplace, in schools, and in daily life.
While
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 some believe
competition
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 motivates individuals to excel, others think
cooperation
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 fosters a more supportive and productive
environment
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain why I believe a balance between
competition
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 and
cooperation
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 is essential.
To begin
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 with,
competition
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 can be a powerful driving force. It encourages individuals to strive for excellence, leading to higher performance and innovation.
For example
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, athletes who compete at the highest levels are often rewarded for their efforts. In the 2024 Olympic Games,
for instance
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, Thailand won six medals, and the government awarded the athletes 70 million baht.
This
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 recognition and reward system motivates athletes to continue excelling in their sports.
Similarly
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, in the workplace,
competition
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 can drive employees to improve their skills and productivity, which ultimately benefits the company.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
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 is essential for creating an efficient and supportive
environment
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. Collaborative efforts often lead to more effective problem-solving and innovation because they bring together diverse perspectives and skills.
For example
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, team projects at school or work are often more successful than individual efforts because they allow for the pooling of knowledge and resources.
Moreover
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, a cooperative
environment
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 can reduce stress, which is crucial for maintaining mental health and well-being. Fostering teamwork and enhancing relationships contribute to a positive atmosphere in any setting. In conclusion, both
competition
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 and
cooperation
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 have their merits. A balanced approach that encourages
competition
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while
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 fostering
cooperation
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 is crucial. By setting new goals and providing rewards for achievements, individuals can be motivated to excel,
while
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 a cooperative
environment
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 ensures that the workplace remains positive and creative.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a clear response to the task and covers both perspectives effectively, adding more specific examples would further strengthen your argument. For instance, providing additional scenarios in both educational and workplace settings could make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, transition phrases like "Furthermore" or "Additionally" could be used to link ideas more cohesively. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which neatly summarizes the discussed points and the writer’s opinion. This gives the essay a strong structure.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant arguments and examples, particularly the reference to the 2024 Olympic Games. This makes your essay concrete and persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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