IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while other consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many nations,
children
Use synonyms
 are involved in various types of employment. Some people say that it is utterly wrong while
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 think that it prepares them for the workforce.
Although
Linking Words
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their studies, I believe that they learn numerous skills that are useful for their career. On the one hand, some say that working before the age of eighteen is wrong because it can affect how
children
Use synonyms
 perform in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to their studies.
This
Linking Words
 is to say that they tend to waste a massive amount of time at work that could be spent on their education,
as a result
Linking Words
, it leads to lowering their grades in class.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey in Canada found that
children
Use synonyms
 who were working
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 were less likely to get higher marks than
children
Use synonyms
 who did not.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 school of thought because of the reason elucidated below.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think that some kind of paid work
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
 them to acquire a great
deals
Correct the article-noun agreement
deal
show examples
 of skills.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 learn how to
scocialise
Correct your spelling
socialise
socialize
 with
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and they
also
Linking Words
 learn time management skills that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most employers looking for.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers working at restaurants can do better
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 do not work.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: