IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Computer have changed the way people study. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using computers as study aids?

#computer #people #study #computers #aids
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that these days, technology and modernity
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 changed our globe. The occurrence of
Computer
Fix the agreement mistake
Computers
show examples
 and sophisticated devices help the process of learning. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I am going to analyse both pros and cons of the high demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these instruments. On the one hand, in terms of the benefits of advanced
Correct your spelling
equipment
equipements
Correct your spelling
equipment
 usage in education. The simplicity and availability of these devices
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
 an easy way to learn and absorb any information. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, modern devices provide a significant opportunity to improve people's knowledge even from their homes or workplace. As a shining example, I got my pharmacy diploma online while I was working in the same year. On the other flip of the coin,
although
Linking Words
 the numerous merits of
the technological instruments utilization
Change to a genitive case
the utilization of the technological instrument
the utilization of the technological instruments
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, few negative impacts
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been shown across the globe.
Firstly
Linking Words
, individuals might become addicted to computers, they could use computers to play or waste their time playing video games and watching meaningless movies.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exposure to other people is not a good idea for children. They might contact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
forbidden sites that
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
 sexual or dangerous materials and no accurate information.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by King Saud University states that technology and several social media platforms
prompts
Change the verb form
prompt
show examples
 adolescents to commit crimes which
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 to a considerable increase in
unethical
Correct article usage
the unethical
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 rate
last
Linking Words
 year. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some people argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful and related to awful consequences,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others claim computers have a plethora of
Correct your spelling
positive
positivel
Correct your spelling
positive
 results.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that advanced
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 could be used with a conscious to expand our knowledge and reach a high level of education.
Submitted by hno_aaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: