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Band 4.5

Q:Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones ,while others disagree.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#q #parents #children #phones
In today's era of
advent
Correct article usage
the advent
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technology ,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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 has helped in communication between one another. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both upside and downside alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my honest opinion. With the
use
 of
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
a mobile
show examples
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
, it has
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
enhanced
 communication between the young and elder, loved ones who are far and near, parents and their kids.
In
Change preposition
With
show examples
this
 new advancement in the
use
 of mobile
phone
 children
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 the benefit
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 communicating with their friends and loved ones , it improves learning and intellectual habits through searching
new
Change preposition
for new
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 online , and improve their finger reflex on typing.
furthermore
, children
use
mobile
Add an article
a mobile
the mobile
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 to download games which helps to keep
mental
Correct pronoun usage
their mental
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 state active.
This
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to keep them busy after school activities. With
this
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can communicate with their parents if there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 emergency cases or danger. Mobile
phone
 exposes them to new ideas , watching
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online movies and cartoons of their favourite.
On the other hand
, the downside is that it affects the sight of kids because they will be glued to the
phone
 screen always, it creates
Add a hyphen
anti-social
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anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
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for instance
, children will find it difficult to play with other kids outside , and
this
also
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 physical fitness.
This
 causes obesity because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of exercise.
This
 can
also
 be detrimental to
mental
Correct pronoun usage
their mental
show examples
 state because it deprives them of their nap. Notwithstanding, communication through the
use
 of mobile phones is subsequential but I am of the notion that the downside affects more
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 health.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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