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Writing Samples /
Band 6

A huge amount of money goes towards children's education. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#amount #money #children #education #countries #government #costs
Nowadays, the significance of
education
 is widely recognised in the community. The domain of children's
education
 is obtaining enormous investment from the governments in many countries to make schooling
for
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apply
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free. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss the benefits and drawbacks of the trend, and
then
 illustrate why I believe the positive points of
this
 surpass the negative aspects. There are numerous advantages associated with
this
 phenomenon and the prominent one is that
education
 enables individuals to fulfil their aspirations and ambitions. School can impart essential knowledge to minors and cultivate personality and discipline, which are crucial to people's attainment of success.
Additionally
,
education
 can effectively curb juvenile delinquency, which is attributable to a thriving and prosperous society.
For example
, a recent survey conducted in Japan revealed that 70% of criminals didn't graduate from high school. As can be seen, those advantages have a profound impact on the community.
However
, every coin has two sides. One primary negative consequence of
this
 tendency is that it may lead to a shortage of funds to be allocated by the authorities to other essential areas of the nation,
such
 as infrastructure and medicine.
Furthermore
, youngsters may become complacent and take it for granted
about going
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to go
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 to school for free.
For instance
, the attendance rate in primary schools has dropped noticeably in the past few years as many parents didn't realize the importance of schooling.
Therefore
, our society could be adversely affected by the drawbacks of
this
 development.
To sum up
, vast investment in children's
education
 is ubiquitous in many nations these days.
This
 essay
discussed
Wrong verb form
discusses
show examples
 both the virtues and downsides of
this
 trend and takes everything into consideration, I am inclined to say that the
overall
 benefits of
this
 tendency are superior.
Submitted by 1162242983 on

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task response
Focus more on addressing the specific advantages and disadvantages of government investment in children's education. Ensure that your points are clearly related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically organized and connected.

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