IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Education is the single most important factor for a developing country. Do you agree or disagree

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No doubt,
Education
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 is important for all people across the nation for the development of the country. I agree with
this
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 statement and
further
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 in
this
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 essay, I will explain why
education
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 is important by taking some examples from the newspaper.
To begin
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 with,
Education
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 plays a vital role in an individual life to enhance the
overall
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 personality whether it is moral values,social ethics or learning in a different field. Without proper
education
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, a person does not know how to live in a society and can not contribute his learning towards the development of a nation .
For instance
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, a survey done by the Times of India revealed that 80% of Japanese people are highly educated and
that is
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 why Japan is one of the most developed countries in the entire world and their people are happy in their jobs and living a joyful life.
Secondly
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,Most of the developing countries are not developed because of their proper
education
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 system .
Moreover
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, the criminal rate is too high in those countries because they do not have proper knowledge about how to live and behave in society .
For Example
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,it is found in research from Oxford University M.B.A students that 80% of females and 73% of males are illiterate in Sudan and
that is
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 why they are struggling for basic amenities i.e. food ,clothes and houses and
also
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 the economy of the country is too low. In conclusion,The Government should concentrate on an
education
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 system to boost the country's economy . I believe that
education
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 has a significant role in the growth of a nation.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the ideas between paragraphs logically flow from one to the next, avoiding abrupt transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well; however, try to have a more engaging introduction that includes a thesis statement outlining the upcoming points.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Each should be clearly stated and followed by detailed explanations or examples that support the overarching thesis of the essay.
task achievement
Make sure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt evenly. You have agreed with the statement, but it would strengthen your response to also touch upon potential counterarguments and refute them.
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