some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries has a positive affect; others say it could contribute to a loss of the country's identities. Do you agree or disagree

Booming business and cultural interaction within nations bring more benefits as believed by some sections of society; the rest of them think that
this
phenomenon damages the basic identity of native
countries
. I completely agree with the former opinion and will validate my view in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence, professional communication with other
countries
leads to the development of the economy.
This
is
due to
the fact that
people
would gain more job opportunities which will raise their standard of living. The
Macdonald's
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
show examples
company,
for example
, is an international organisation, but they open their branches in other
countries
too
such
as
in
Change preposition
apply
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India, which provides chances
to
Change preposition
for
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local
people
to work in their company and
can
Verb problem
apply
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earn a handsome salary.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
the biggest advantage is financial gain.
Furthermore
, global connections assist
people
in knowing more about foreign cultures which is another benefit. If individuals communicate with foreigners
then
it will help them to learn their existing culture and language which makes them multi-lingual and multi-cultural. As an illustration, I have a Spanish friend on my Facebook profile who helps me to learn Spanish and flamenco dance, which is famous in Spain. In
this
way, the community would develop a better understanding of other cultures.
However
, some
people
think that
this
trend could
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
in the loss of native identity since they believe that dwellers are being influenced by other
countries
' cultures and they forget their own traditions. In fact, the opposite is true, by connecting internationally, we are expanding our culture and business to international
people
.
Due to
this
trend, the developed governments are investing in the developing governments which has a positive effect on the native
countries
. In conclusion,
although
some individuals believe that global connections could result in identity loss; a myth,
nevertheless
,
this
trend has advantages of financial development and being multi-lingual and multi-cultural which increases the standard of living and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
the world a better place to live.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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coherence cohesion
Task Response: The essay provides a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed.
task achievement
Coherence & Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure and mostly maintains coherence. However, the introduction and conclusion should be more comprehensive with a stronger link to the main points.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Economic growth
  • Technological advancements
  • Interconnected
  • Global community
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Economic dependency
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Heritage
  • Economic disparities
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