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Writing Samples
Band 6

Recent advances in medical science have resulted in increased life expectancy over the past few years. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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As a result
Linking Words
 of the development in technology and medical science,
people
Use synonyms
 now can have a longer lifespan than before.
Although
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 it seems to be a great consequence and will have a lot of positive effects, it
also
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 has some drawbacks that we need to know about. On the one hand, if we can live longer, we can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with our families and someone we love.
Furthermore
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, we will have more
time
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 to accomplish our dreams and do something we want to do.
For instance
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, if we live 10 years longer than others, we will have an abundance of
time
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 to enjoy our lives and try a variety of activities that we have never done before. For me, I would like to travel around the world or have a long-term trip to a specific country.
On the other hand
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, it is believed that if life expectancy increases, medical costs will grow significantly, which means
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have to tax
people
Use synonyms
 more to deal with the financial burden.
Moreover
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, since old
people
Use synonyms
 have less ability to earn money, the younger generations will have to pay directly or indirectly to their parents. Take Taiwan
for example
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. In recent years, Taiwan has become an ageing society, partly because
people
Use synonyms
 have been less willing to give birth to children because they have to spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 and money on their elderly parents.
Therefore
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, the birth rate is decreasing year by year. In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, I believe that the disadvantages of increasing life expectancy outweigh their advantages. I don’t think I can make any positive contributions to
this
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 society when I am 80 years old. If I could decide the length of my life, I would not want to reach the age of 90, because I
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 probably have some troubles with my health and be unable to move freely at that
time
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion to provide a more comprehensive overview of the essay. Ensure that the main points are clearly supported and developed throughout the response.
task achievement
Focus on providing a more complete response that fully addresses the question. Develop the main ideas more clearly and use specific examples to support the arguments effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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