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Band 5.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
Across the globe, famous people are becoming popular for their appearance and prodigality,
instead
 of their talents, which is an inappropriate instance for a growing generation. I completely agree with it and I will support
this
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs.
First
 of all, it should be mentioned that celebrities provide a huge impact on society, thereby, controlling
community’s
Correct article usage
the community’s
show examples
 opinions and actions.
In addition
, more and more humans get their fame for the good looking face or luxurious
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, without any self achievements. As an example, I can consider well-known supermodel Kendall Jenner, who succeeded thanks to
famous
Correct pronoun usage
their famous
her famous
his famous
show examples
 family and perfect body shape, and
as a result
, she led the younger generation confident that externality is playing a considerable role in
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 world.
Moreover
, media persons promote fake beauty , made by plastic surgeons and imitated prosperity, exposing it
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 natural pulchritude. Indeed, they talk about using less makeup foundation to look “natural”, when they already did hundreds of operations to look “perfect ”or show the
auditory only
Add a hyphen
auditory-only
show examples
 positive side of life.
For instance
, one else eidolon of teenage girls, Bella Hadid whose facial features, made by the hands of a specialist, were considered ideal according to the golden ratio. To conclude from the aforementioned arguments, I firmly believe that prominent individuals should deserve their renown for merits than for profusion and charm.
Otherwise
, it will negatively affect common people.
Submitted by argyn-34 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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