IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, young people admire stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #stars #development
In today's world, the young generation follows their favourite celebrities as role models. The public tries to adopt the lifestyle and the nature of their favourite superstar. I would like to say that
this
 behaviour leads to more negative progress than positive. The following paragraphs will discuss the pros and cons of
this
 essay.
Firstly
, adolescents admire famous personalities for their
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
 lifestyle which result in disappointment for them.
For example
, They are several youtube videos which show the lifestyle blogs of great
stars
 like the brands they wear which are unaffordable for the general public to buy
as a result
 to purchase youngsters pressurize their parents for money.
Secondly
, people take their role model controversies very seriously which threats the life of local citizens but superstars play all that stunts to gain publicity.
This
 leads to very dangerous consequence for people who wants to be like their favourite
stars
.
On the other hand
, Celebrities motivate folks through their hard work and struggles. To illustrate, Sidhu moosewala who was a
punjabi
Change the capitalization
Punjabi
show examples
 singer struggled for 4 years to get fame and has inspired the world with his hard work. Superstars help their fans to live a quality life by motivating them to join
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 and fitness centres to bring their best out of them. In conclusion, with the advancement of social media youngsters gets all the information about the
stars
 they like. In my opinion,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 has more cons than pros because the things and emotions
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 by celebrities on media are not always right. So, youngsters should limit their emotions and attitudes toward the
stars
.
Submitted by guri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: