IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Fewer and fewer peoplewalk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time

#peoplewalk #basis #time
It is certainly true that the importance of walking
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 decreasing day by day
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very few
people
 are interested in walking. It can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health. It is a serious health issue it must be addressed immediately. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 the causes and the possible necessary steps to solve the issue will be discussed. On the one hand, there are several possible causes behind
this
.
Firstly
 in
this
past
Correct your spelling
fast
show examples
 paced
society
Add a comma
,society
show examples
 most
people
 are facing a serious concern
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack of time. Many individuals are running a rat race competition in their
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
wok
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
 and life so do not get enough time for
walk
Add an article
a walk
the walk
show examples
.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urbanisation a plethora of private vehicles are available in our society. One advantage
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 private transportation is very convenient and
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
.Due to
this
people
 always use
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
instead
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
od
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 walking.
On the other hand
,there are several ways in which the problem can be solved. Begin with,public education is a necessary step that can create more awareness about the benefits of walking on
people
. To illustrate
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classes ,seminars and social media explain the tremendous advantages of walking to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Next
, with the help of modern technologies like
tread
Correct your spelling
treadmills
show examples
mills
Add a comma
,mills
show examples
 we can encourage the habit of walking. To conclude, in today's world more and more
people
 are fascinated
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the passive
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
however
 it can cause dramatic health issues.
Although
 few timely steps can reduce the severity of the
Correct your spelling
issue
isssue
Correct your spelling
issue
.
Submitted by nairrohith719 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • automation
  • public transportation
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian-friendly
  • safety concerns
  • pedestrian zones
  • public health campaigns
  • incentives
  • commuting
  • walkathons
  • physical and mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: