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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies and do you consider it is good or bad?

#countries #people #sport #entertainment #money #professionals #doctors #nurses #teachers #societies
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Entertainment
Use synonyms
 and sports companies are said to earn higher than
doctors
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,
nurses
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are taken to be professional sectors. In
this
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I will elaborate on the impact on societies and state my own view.
First
Linking Words
, the setting of the
entertainment
Use synonyms
 and sports companies is designed with so much energy it is an avenue for creating fun and making
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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gather with their loved ones to while away stress , anxiety and depression.
Entertainment
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 has to do with constant practice , and more energy needs to be exerted , full concentration and moreso it helps in body fitness. ,
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 the government sees
this
Linking Words
 as part of a huge way to raise funds for the societies especially when it comes to competition with other countries and because of how
people
Use synonyms
 are so entangled
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it . Another reason could be that while
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 practice lots of
people
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 encounter a series of injuries both internally and externally.
People
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 see
entertainment
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 and sports companies as a diversional therapy which helps to ease off stress psychologically, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Secondly
Linking Words
, In the aspect of professionals like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
,
nurses
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
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,
people
Use synonyms
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to value them more because they are seen as the front liners when it comes to health and moreso healthy life is paramount and
this
Linking Words
 can't be achieved without the
teachers
Use synonyms
 educating the
doctors
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 and
nurses
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. In my opinion, both sectors have their own vital roles to play in every aspect of life. But when it comes to who should earn more, I honestly feel that professional
doctors
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,
nurses
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 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be highly rewarded
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
firstly
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 exhaust energy making research on new ideas and information for knowledge and
also
Linking Words
 able to impact it
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their students. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
nurses
Use synonyms
 fight so hard to work as a team and save lives regardless of the pressure and stress.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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