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Band 4.5

In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies and do you consider it is good or bad?

#countries #people #sport #entertainment #money #professionals #doctors #nurses #teachers #societies
Entertainment
 and sports companies are said to earn higher than
doctors
,
nurses
 and
teachers
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are taken to be professional sectors. In
this
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I will elaborate on the impact on societies and state my own view.
First
, the setting of the
entertainment
 and sports companies is designed with so much energy it is an avenue for creating fun and making
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
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gather with their loved ones to while away stress , anxiety and depression.
Entertainment
 has to do with constant practice , and more energy needs to be exerted , full concentration and moreso it helps in body fitness. ,
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 the government sees
this
 as part of a huge way to raise funds for the societies especially when it comes to competition with other countries and because of how
people
 are so entangled
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it . Another reason could be that while
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 practice lots of
people
 encounter a series of injuries both internally and externally.
People
 see
entertainment
 and sports companies as a diversional therapy which helps to ease off stress psychologically, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Secondly
, In the aspect of professionals like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
,
nurses
 and
teachers
,
people
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to value them more because they are seen as the front liners when it comes to health and moreso healthy life is paramount and
this
 can't be achieved without the
teachers
 educating the
doctors
 and
nurses
. In my opinion, both sectors have their own vital roles to play in every aspect of life. But when it comes to who should earn more, I honestly feel that professional
doctors
,
nurses
 and
teachers
 should be highly rewarded
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
firstly
,
teachers
 exhaust energy making research on new ideas and information for knowledge and
also
 able to impact it
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their students. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
doctors
 and
nurses
 fight so hard to work as a team and save lives regardless of the pressure and stress.
Submitted by adaobihedioha12 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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