IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people prefer to go to health clubs and gyms for health care, some say the walking and climbing stairs are more effective. Discuss both vies and give your opinion.

#people #health #clubs #gyms #care #say #stairs
Health
 care is an important major . Some people say that they must go to a sports
club
 or a
gym
 for improving their
health
. While others say that walking or climbing is more effective than going to a
club
. I think that going to the
gym
 is more effective than walking or running. There are many reasons for
this
.
Firstly
 when you walk you
train
 your leg
muscles
 only while the other
muscles
 do not get training. To have good
health
 you must
train
 most of your
muscles
. So a professional sports
club
 will play a major role to
train
 most of your
muscles
 and make you healthy. For ,example there are many machines in the
gym
 to
train
 your
muscles
. One other thing is there is a professional trainer in most of the gyms and he gives you the correct way to improve your
health
.
In addition
 to
this
, When you pay membership in a
gym
 you will probably go to it frequently since you do not want to lose your money. But when it comes to regular walking you may not go frequently since you do not pay for it.
this
 plays a big role as well to improve your
health
. To conclude, We must do exercises to improve our
health
 and make us more healthy. Some people say going to a sports
club
 or a
gym
 is more effective than going
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a walk or climbing the stairs. While others say going for a walk is more effective than I believe that going to the
gym
 is more effective but everyone may choose the way he or she is comfortable .
Submitted by mustafa_dervis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: