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Band 6

People are living longer after they retire. What are the problems? What can be done to solve these problems?

#people
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Nowadays, there is a certain phenomenon surrounding the elderly,
that is
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, the life expectancy of the elderly after
retirement
Use synonyms
 is much longer than it was before.
This
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 essay will thoroughly discuss the
issues
Use synonyms
 that come with
this
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 trend and present some practical solutions in
order
Use synonyms
 to correctly address the problems. On the one hand, several
issues
Use synonyms
 may arise when elderly people experience a longer lifespan after
retirement
Use synonyms
.
First
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 of all, it is a sad truth but the elderly group does indeed place a heavy burden on the economy.
This
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 is due to the fact that they are no longer required to work, which means that their contribution to the economy is greatly decreased.
In addition
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, financial assistance
such
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 as pensions is a necessity for many elders in
order
Use synonyms
 to sustain themselves, which can lead to impacts on the economy as more and more money is poured into these welfares.
Secondly
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,
this
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 phenomenon can result in negative effects on the healthcare system. Because, as people get older, the more they are prone to health
issues
Use synonyms
such
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 as sickness and diseases.
Therefore
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,
this
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 trend would contribute to the high demand for healthcare services, which could lead to detrimental situations
such
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 as overcrowded hospitals. Fortunately, a number of solutions could be adopted in
order
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 to address the issue effectively.
Firstly
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, the government should consider the possibility of raising the age of
retirement
Use synonyms
. While
this
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 may cause many controversies, it is still an effective method in
order
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 to lessen the burden on
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 social welfare spending.
In addition
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, laws regarding the determination of
retirement
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 age should be changed to be based on one’s ability to continue working, rather than their actual age.
Secondly
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, more consideration should be given to nursing houses. As nursing houses present
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 as a perfect solution for
this
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 trend.
This
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 is due to the fact that when elders live in these homes, they can gain access to health services and have someone to take care of them, reassuring their safety and health, which means they would not be a burden on the healthcare systems. And to turn
this
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 into reality, the government should encourage private investment to make nursing homes more appealing and affordable. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to address the
issues
Use synonyms
 that are certain to arise as the life expectancy of the elderly after
retirement
Use synonyms
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
 to rise.
Submitted by nghiemthanhlong432005 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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