IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#people #children #age #outweigh
Nowadays there are increasing decisions to delay childbirth. It may be owing to the fact that the young generation gives preference to work and cultivating themselves.
This
 position could have decent effects at the same time contradictory. In
this
 essay, I will give an explanation of these phenomena.
Firstly
, when the choice of having a baby is postponed young families are able to become competitive professionals since they can pay more attention to their careers than the status of having a child. Thereby, it contributes to the promotion and development of skills which are beneficial at the job.
Besides
, young parents can enrich their knowledge which is rewarding in labour and private life
such
 as communicating with friends or relatives.
Secondly
, delaying the bringing of offspring can serve to strengthen the relationship between couples. When there is no host of burdens married people devote lots of time to each other by visiting multiple countries or having romantic dates.
On the other hand
, when there are decreasing indicators of child bringing the budget of government can incur losses
due to
 the fact that it means growth of a number of elder humans. It is obvious, that plenty of retirement-age members of society receive financial aid from a state
likewise
, individuals of
this
 age, in many cases, have chronic diseases requiring investing more in healthcare.
As a result
, the indicators of the state budget may be reduced and funding for another sector can decline. Summing up, delaying raising a child may have benefits for parents in developing or creating new skills.
However
, it has a harmful impact on the government, more specifically on the state budget.
Submitted by sayazhorabek9466 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Increase the depth of your argument by adding more varied and specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen the task achievement score.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more comprehensive explanations and insights. Doing so will enhance clarity and the comprehensiveness of your ideas, potentially increasing your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Focus on enhancing the logical flow between your paragraphs and sentences. Use transitional phrases to create a smoother, more cohesive narrative, thus improving your score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarise your main points effectively. A stronger introduction and conclusion can boost your score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. This will not only strengthen your argument but also improve your coherence and cohesion score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: