In most countries, prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days
crimes
are increasing and prison is about to be full of
criminals
, There are ideas which is if
people
were to receive better
education
, it would prevent them from
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
and becoming
criminals
and eventually they will be put in prison.
This
essay will discuss the aspects of
this
subject.
Firstly
, Humans have a wonderful
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
which prevents them to be like a ghost and commit
crimes
if they could control it with a helpful atmosphere of the living.
For instance
, If
people
were growing up and got a better
education
in a calm life, they wouldn't even think about committing a crime. So that's why I support giving teenagers a good and helpful atmosphere and staying with them. Unfortunately, some
people
who were occurred something bad for them, think that prison is the solution for
criminals
, but sometimes
this
way is not the right way
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
government
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to deal with them through it.
In addition
,
instead
of prisons, they should get a good knowledge of general things and
instead
of having lots of
crimes
and
criminals
in countries, we could prevent that by offering a perfect
education
for
people
. In conclusion, I believe that we have to give the
criminals
another chance in
this
life and offer
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them a way to improve their minds and to don't be late the governments around the world should offer a useful
education
to develop
people
's ideas and help them to find their right ways.
Submitted by rayaallafe on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: