Some people think that one good way to promote world peace is through international sporting events, while others think that it is not. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Retaining world
peace
is a challenge these days. Many argue that sports
events
conducted at an international level might cultivate peace
among countries. I completely disagree with this
statement because international sports
events
not only develop enmity among the people but also
paves
Correct subject-verb agreement
pave
way
for hatred in one's own Correct article usage
the way
country
upon losing a match.
Though many events
conducted for sports
bring together people and governments, it only creates rivalry within the audience. This
is because, in the name of showing support, observers tend to split into groups resulting in arguments and comments during the match resulting in fights within themselves. In multi-cultural countries such
as India, where people from different religions live together, during sports
events
like cricket matches, disputes will be created in the name of support thus
breaking the peace
that has been prevailing in the country
.
Moreover
, when the country
being supported loses the match, out of dejection, the fans develop hatred for the players which in turn gets projected onto the country
. As a result
, violence breaks out at key locations of the nation leading to a lack of peace
within it, leading to pressure on the law enforcement department to control the anger outbursts. For instance
, during a cricket match in 2009, when India lost against Pakistan, a huge mass gathered in front of India's cricket team caption
Wrong verb form
captioned
and
protests outbroke in front of his house leading to Correct word choice
apply
nuisance
to the public and damaging the Correct article usage
a nuisance
country
's reputation.
In conclusion, despite countries being brought together to play matches, this
does not result in world peace
as games not only create a rift among the supporters of different teams but also
result in violence within the country
if a loss is faced.Submitted by swathi.testemail on
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task response
The essay lacks a clear position on the given statement. The opinion needs to be explicitly stated in the introduction and supported throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas in the essay is weak. There is a lack of clear topic sentences and linking words to connect ideas.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary and use of collocations is limited. Use of more varied and appropriate vocabulary is necessary to improve the lexical resource.
grammatical range
While the essay demonstrates control of a range of grammatical structures, there are frequent errors that affect communication. More attention to sentence structure and grammar is required.