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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is better to take part in team sports, while others believe that individual sports are better. Discuss both these views and Give your opinion.

#people #part #team #sports
Many people believe that playing
sports
 in teams will bring more benefits
while
 others contend that individual
sports
 are better. Both sides, of course, have their own merits but I think the second view is more valid. There are several reasons as to why I am of the opinion that individual
sports
 are more beneficial.
Firstly
, playing individual
sports
 helps players to foster their independence
instead
 of relying on others.
This
 comes from the fact that when people participate in
sports
 that are played individually, they will have to learn to formulate their own strategies and master their own skills in order to beat the other opponent, which forces them to think and act independently. A perfect example would be playing chess which requires a single player to practice flexible tactics, thereby boosting their independent thinking.
Secondly
, those who take part in individual
sports
 can learn to take responsibility for their own actions since whether succeeding or
defeated
Add a missing verb
being defeated
show examples
 in a game, they are the only ones that are responsible for their own results.
In contrast
, if playing in a
team
, one member might blame others when they lose.
However
, it is
also
 true that
team
sports
 bring about some benefits. The most obvious advantage of playing these
sports
 is that players tend to have good teamwork skills as they are always required to collaborate with other teammates in order to achieve a common goal. A good example of
this
 is playing football in which all members from goalkeeper,
defenders
Correct word choice
and defenders
show examples
 to attackers have to work in close cooperation to score a goal. Another merit of
team
sports
 is that they create a good chance for everyone involved to socialise and widen their circle of friends by virtue of meeting new people. It can still be argued, though, that the benefits gained from individual
sports
 including being self-reliant and becoming responsible are more important for one’s personal development and success in life than
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
those from
team
sports
.
Therefore
,
while
 to a certain extent, it is true that
team
sports
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 beneficial for players in developing teamwork skills and social relationships, I strongly believe that those who play individual
sports
 will have more advantages in the long run.
Submitted by ©BEE SWARM DỞ NHẤT TG on

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Task Response
Ensure your introduction clearly states the essay's direction and your opinion, which you have done effectively. Further refine by directly addressing the topic in your opening sentences for immediate clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay, try to incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more naturally. This will increase the fluidity of your arguments and support coherence.
Task Achievement
In supporting your main points with examples, ensure they are not only relevant but also detailed. Detail demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic and enriches your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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