Some people think that it is better to take part in team sports, while others believe that individual sports are better. Discuss both these views and Give your opinion.

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Many people believe that playing

sports

in teams will bring more benefits

while

others contend that individual

sports

are better. Both sides, of course, have their own merits but I think the second view is more valid. There are several reasons as to why I am of the opinion that individual

sports

are more beneficial.

Firstly

, playing individual

sports

helps players to foster their independence

instead

of relying on others.

This

comes from the fact that when people participate in

sports

that are played individually, they will have to learn to formulate their own strategies and master their own skills in order to beat the other opponent, which forces them to think and act independently. A perfect example would be playing chess which requires a single player to practice flexible tactics, thereby boosting their independent thinking.

Secondly

, those who take part in individual

sports

can learn to take responsibility for their own actions since whether succeeding or

defeated

Add a missing verb

being defeated

show examples

in a game, they are the only ones that are responsible for their own results.

In contrast

, if playing in a

team

, one member might blame others when they lose.

However

, it is

also

true that

team

sports

bring about some benefits. The most obvious advantage of playing these

sports

is that players tend to have good teamwork skills as they are always required to collaborate with other teammates in order to achieve a common goal. A good example of

this

is playing football in which all members from goalkeeper,

defenders

Correct word choice

and defenders

show examples

to attackers have to work in close cooperation to score a goal. Another merit of

team

sports

is that they create a good chance for everyone involved to socialise and widen their circle of friends by virtue of meeting new people. It can still be argued, though, that the benefits gained from individual

sports

including being self-reliant and becoming responsible are more important for one’s personal development and success in life than

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

those from

team

sports

Therefore

while

to a certain extent, it is true that

team

sports

Change the verb form

are

show examples

beneficial for players in developing teamwork skills and social relationships, I strongly believe that those who play individual

sports

will have more advantages in the long run.

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Task Response

Ensure your introduction clearly states the essay's direction and your opinion, which you have done effectively. Further refine by directly addressing the topic in your opening sentences for immediate clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance your essay, try to incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more naturally. This will increase the fluidity of your arguments and support coherence.

Task Achievement

In supporting your main points with examples, ensure they are not only relevant but also detailed. Detail demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic and enriches your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

366 words

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