IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

the use of media is replacing face to face interaction among many people in society. Do you yhink the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

#media #face #interaction #people #society #yhink #outweight
Nowadays the
use
 of
media
 is much more significant than
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
 to
face
 communicatiıon
amony
Correct your spelling
among
 many
people
 in society.
This
 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 phenomenon and provide a logical conclusion. On the
first
 hand, the
use
 of
media
 to communicate with
people
 has got an advantage
such
 as faster access to every location.
People
 can communicate with anybody if they
use
 the
media
. According to BBC 90%
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
use
media
 for communicating with distant friends.
Such
 as if you live in
usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 you would communicate with your friends who live in Germany. We would access every friend or relative.The
second
 advantage is speed using
media
 is faster than
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
 communication. Research conducted recently indicated that
media
 is the fastest way of communication. İf
people
use
media
 to communicate they would save energy and time.
On the other hand
, using
media
 to communicate with
people
 has drawbacks
such
 as harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and
addiction
.
Firstly
, every technological device might affect
Add an article
the
show examples
body. An extensive survey conducted by CNN revealed that Using
media
 increases
Change preposition
by
show examples
60% cancer risk. If we
use
 too much we could get cancer.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 advantage is
addiction
.
Addiction
 is one of the biggest problems in the world. A study carried out by Harvard University showed that using
media
 leads to
addiction
. İf
people
 made an
addiction
 they would waste time. They cannot improve themselves because of
media
addiction
.
Addiction
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 obstacle to improvement. t İn
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 there are many pros and cons of using
media
 for communication.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 It has been suggested that
people
shouldnt
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
 spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
time on the
media
. Crowds should
use
media
 for just necessary things.
Submitted by brsson06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: