IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

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Advertisement is commonly used by
organizations
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. Few
people
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 believe that promoting the
products
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 motivates
people
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 to buy things that they are not really required but, other feel that it inform
people
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 about the new features that could enhance their lives. I strongly believe that the promotion of
products
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 always tries to sell the brand and it targets
children
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 for business. Companies are primarily focusing on selling the brand name
instead
Linking Words
 of their
products
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. Many
organizations
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 in society concentrate more on
brand
Add an article
a brand
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 name, but they forget to give importance to
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 preferences.
For Example
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, the logo of the company is displayed in a supermarket without providing any information on their
products
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.
Moreover
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, some
organizations
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 use a model to promote their
products
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. Still, it is unclear to everyone, what is the purpose of the model while selling the product to the
customers
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. On top of that, companies target young
children
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 to sell the
products
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 easily to their parents. Many
organizations
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 display their
products
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 using animation as well as a comic
buffoon
Fix the agreement mistake
buffoons
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 to attract young
children
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.
For instance
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, in all the supermarkets, attractive display boards are used to promote the
products
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 by using the Dora serial characters.
Moreover
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, advertisements
is
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are
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 always to attract new
customers
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. The essential of advertisement is to get new
customers
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instead
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 of giving importance to existing
customers
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. To conclude, advertisements are essential to the business, but it is focusing on the company logo
instead
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 of
people
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's needs as well as they should focus on the entire
customers
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 ,not
children
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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