IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #tax
There is a debatable point that taxation revenue is said to be unnecessary to pay for the government. The writer of
this
 essay contends that the income
tax
 serves a valuable purpose in developing healthcare infrastructure
along with
 ensuring social security. It is vital to understand that the authorities allocate the
tax
 to construct and maintain public facilities, especially for the healthcare system. To explain
further
, hospitals require modern equipment and laboratories not only to improve the medical service but
also
 to tackle many diseases
such
 as cancer, cardiovascular or respiratory illness.
Therefore
, when the state gains
tax
 from citizens, it needs to be responsible for funding and developing healthcare facilities.
As a result
, residents can access modernized infrastructure
as well as
 medical approaches. Another benefit of the nation's
tax
 society is to maintain social safety by investing in the military.
In other words
, in order to attain strong armed forces, the authorities make investments in training the soldiers via modern weapons
coupled with
 providing better welfare for them. As the living conditions in the army are enhanced, soldiers' physical and mental fitness reaches a high level, resulting in soldiers putting numerous efforts into the contribution to guardianship. Taking all points into account,
tax
 contributes to the development of medical amenities and the enhancement of the military to maintain national security. Henceforth, it is necessary for the workforce to pay taxation .
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents clear, relevant arguments and examples. However, the introduction could benefit from being more precise. Clearly state your stance on the issue in the first paragraph to establish your position strongly.
coherence cohesion
While the essay's structure is logical and easy to follow, linking phrases between paragraphs could be improved. Try using more varied cohesive devices to ensure a smooth transition between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains focus on its main point. The conclusion could slightly elaborate on the introduced ideas to reinforce your stance more comprehensively.
task achievement
Your arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples, especially concerning the role of taxation in healthcare and military funding.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear logical flow and is easy to follow from one point to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: