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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that young people should spend their time with family, rather than go to entertainment activities outsides the house. Some disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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People's opinions differ on whether it is more important to dedicate
time
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 to outside
entertainment
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 or family. I agree with both views because it is important to keep tight relationships with a family and enhance a social circle at the same
time
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, family members are the closest individuals to the child for his entire life, and they will support him every day after. In Uzbekistan,
for example
Linking Words
, family serves as a lifebuoy during tough life situations and could be not only a financial aid but spiritual as well. If a member of the family has an urgent need for money or moral aid, parents and siblings will show their support instantly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to have strong relationships with family, and the simplest way to do it is to spend
time
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 together. Undoubtedly, outdoor activities help youngsters to relax from their daily routine. To exemplify,
according to
Linking Words
 the New York Times magazine, 78% of the researchers agree that the best option for kids to rest is visiting
entertainment
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 events in fresh air. Days in school might be extremely stressful for both body and mind,
that is
Linking Words
 why kids should have rest from
time
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 to
time
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.
Entertainment
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 outside the house assists them in unwinding their brain and having a physical rest. In order to avoid diseases and recover cognitive skills, it is necessary to have fun outside.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 spending
time
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 with family is crucial for building strong relationships and values, it is equally important for young people to engage in
entertainment
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 activities outside the home. I recommend combining both activities equally, but not spending all the
time
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 outside.

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task achievement
You have presented a well-structured argument, covering both viewpoints and finishing with your own opinion. However, you might want to enhance the depth of discussion on how to balance both family time and outdoor activities. Also, make sure to check for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and cohesive. Each paragraph logically connects to the next, and you have used appropriate linking words. Just ensure that you maintain this logical flow throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly lays out the topic and your balanced perspective effectively.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples, such as the reference to Uzbekistan and the New York Times magazine, which strengthens your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • strengthen bonds
  • emotional support
  • instill values
  • personal development
  • life skills
  • better communication
  • social skills
  • relieve stress
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • quality time
  • interaction
  • peer influence
  • diverse experiences
  • family dynamics
  • holistic development
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