Some people believe that young people should spend their time with family, rather than go to entertainment activities outsides the house. Some disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
People's opinions differ on whether it is more important to dedicate
time
to outside Use synonyms
entertainment
or family. I agree with both views because it is important to keep tight relationships with a family and enhance a social circle at the same Use synonyms
time
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, family members are the closest individuals to the child for his entire life, and they will support him every day after. In Uzbekistan, Linking Words
for example
, family serves as a lifebuoy during tough life situations and could be not only a financial aid but spiritual as well. If a member of the family has an urgent need for money or moral aid, parents and siblings will show their support instantly. Linking Words
Therefore
, it is essential to have strong relationships with family, and the simplest way to do it is to spend Linking Words
time
together.
Undoubtedly, outdoor activities help youngsters to relax from their daily routine. To exemplify, Use synonyms
according to
the New York Times magazine, 78% of the researchers agree that the best option for kids to rest is visiting Linking Words
entertainment
events in fresh air. Days in school might be extremely stressful for both body and mind, Use synonyms
that is
why kids should have rest from Linking Words
time
to Use synonyms
time
. Use synonyms
Entertainment
outside the house assists them in unwinding their brain and having a physical rest. In order to avoid diseases and recover cognitive skills, it is necessary to have fun outside.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, Linking Words
whereas
spending Linking Words
time
with family is crucial for building strong relationships and values, it is equally important for young people to engage in Use synonyms
entertainment
activities outside the home. I recommend combining both activities equally, but not spending all the Use synonyms
time
outside.Use synonyms
Submitted by Umar on
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task achievement
You have presented a well-structured argument, covering both viewpoints and finishing with your own opinion. However, you might want to enhance the depth of discussion on how to balance both family time and outdoor activities. Also, make sure to check for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and cohesive. Each paragraph logically connects to the next, and you have used appropriate linking words. Just ensure that you maintain this logical flow throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly lays out the topic and your balanced perspective effectively.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples, such as the reference to Uzbekistan and the New York Times magazine, which strengthens your argument.