Some people believe that young people should spend their time with family, rather than go to entertainment activities outsides the house. Some disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
People's opinions differ on whether it is more important to dedicate
time
to outside entertainment
or family. I agree with both views because it is important to keep tight relationships with a family and enhance a social circle at the same time
.
Firstly
, family members are the closest individuals to the child for his entire life, and they will support him every day after. In Uzbekistan, for example
, family serves as a lifebuoy during tough life situations and could be not only a financial aid but spiritual as well. If a member of the family has an urgent need for money or moral aid, parents and siblings will show their support instantly. Therefore
, it is essential to have strong relationships with family, and the simplest way to do it is to spend time
together.
Undoubtedly, outdoor activities help youngsters to relax from their daily routine. To exemplify, according to
the New York Times magazine, 78% of the researchers agree that the best option for kids to rest is visiting entertainment
events in fresh air. Days in school might be extremely stressful for both body and mind, that is
why kids should have rest from time
to time
. Entertainment
outside the house assists them in unwinding their brain and having a physical rest. In order to avoid diseases and recover cognitive skills, it is necessary to have fun outside.
To conclude
, whereas
spending time
with family is crucial for building strong relationships and values, it is equally important for young people to engage in entertainment
activities outside the home. I recommend combining both activities equally, but not spending all the time
outside.Submitted by Umar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have presented a well-structured argument, covering both viewpoints and finishing with your own opinion. However, you might want to enhance the depth of discussion on how to balance both family time and outdoor activities. Also, make sure to check for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and cohesive. Each paragraph logically connects to the next, and you have used appropriate linking words. Just ensure that you maintain this logical flow throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly lays out the topic and your balanced perspective effectively.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples, such as the reference to Uzbekistan and the New York Times magazine, which strengthens your argument.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!