IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that arts (such as painting and music) does not directly improve the quality of people's life, so governments should spend money on other areas. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #quality #life #governments #money #areas
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In our modern society, the development of the economy and
culture
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 cannot lack contribution to the
arts
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 because it brings a multitude of advantages to serve everyone. Some
people
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 believe that the government should earn money in other zones but from my point of view,
arts
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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completely help develop the economy and
culture
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.
First
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 and foremost, in the world, improving international relationships is important for the growth of a nation. The countries can transfer and share
culture
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 from
arts
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such
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 as paint or music which help connect
people
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 with
people
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 and special these things
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
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from
Change preposition
by
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 BTS who
are
Change the verb form
is
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a group music
Remove the article
group music
a piece of group music
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 famous in the global. They broadcast Korean
culture
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 from Korea to America, China, Thailand, Vietnam, etc.
Furthermore
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, the relationships will become friendly and close because of the impact of the picture, music,
actors
Correct word choice
and actors
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 to reappear history or propagandize images and language
culture
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,
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moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 it
also
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 makes the add beautiful of a nation.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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art not only brings quality entertainment but it
also
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 a large
contribuild
Correct your spelling
contributed
taxes
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to taxes
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 to increase the government budget which can be used for a wide range of purposes.
Additionally
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, entertainment increases a huge source of income for nations.
For example
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: total sales of screen film in Vietnam in 2019 was up 4100 billion ( up 26% compared with 2018), the movie in Vietnam accounted for 29%
sales
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of sales
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 with over 1150 billion and dramatic growth
with
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of
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 40% compared with 2018. Obviously, these things improved
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of life significantly. It helps
people
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 decline stress after hours of work and creates emotion
to
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for
show examples
 everyone. In fact, it can decrease the negative which makes them
more happy
Replace the words
happier
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,
confident
Correct word choice
and confident
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 anywhere. In conclusion,
arts
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 are affected by relationships and economics.
Moreover
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, they bring entertainment high with
people
Use synonyms
’s life.
Submitted by phuongthao.3822 on

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