IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Smoking should be banned in all public places even though it would restrict some of other people’s freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#places #people’s #freedoms
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It's a known fact that smoking is one of the most dangerous addictions in the world. Some human beings believe that smoking should be prohibited in public areas , others believe that not because it harms self-independence. In
this
 essay, I will totally with
this
 situation to banning smoking in public places because it is essential for the well-being of human beings. On the one hand , it is evident that smoking can lead to some harmful diseases like cancer or asthma.
Moreover
, smoking not only harms humans who inhale nicotine and other ingredients but make harmful to others who in contact with smokers during smoking. It is called a passive smoking.
Therefore
, smoking should be prohibited in public areas for smokers, mainly because there are several
people
 like children , pregnant mothers or teenagers.
Additionally
, After smoking community get a bad smell from cigarettes which can be noisy for other
people
.
On the contrary
, some
people
 believe that the prohibition of public smoking rejects independence which might be tolerated.
Furthermore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should create a place for smokers, which does not
ballow
Correct your spelling
allow
show examples
 other
people
.
However
, if the
government
 wants to make its own citizens healthier
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 should create a law to prohibit smoking in public areas. In conclusion, it is undeniable fact that smoking is harmful to health and other
people
 who not smoking. In my point of view , I tend to think if
government
 cares about the health environment,
government
 should make good laws and prohibited smoking in a public places
Submitted by zhanabayev.z on

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Task Response
Provide clearer examples to support your points. Elaborate on how smoking affects individuals and society with concrete examples or studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea followed by supporting sentences. Use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Language
Check for varied sentence structures and accurate word choice to convey your ideas more effectively. Review grammar and punctuation rules to minimize errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory conditions
  • smoking bans
  • individual freedom
  • social responsibility
  • public policies
  • smoke-free policies
  • healthcare costs
  • ethical considerations
  • healthy environment
  • public places
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