IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

he most important aim for science should be impove people's lives. To what extent do you agree and disagree with the statement?

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While
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 enhancing human well-being through science is important, I believe that by no means should it be solely the primary goal of scientific endeavours. Equally important are safeguarding the environment and respecting animal rights. In the practice of scientific studies, the improvement of human lives should never come at the cost of the environment. As the world's population increases, creating better ways to produce food,
such
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 as more effective pesticides, becomes vital. In
this
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 way, if the focus remains only on boosting crop yields, the pesticides developed may not only affect pests but
alsomake
Correct your spelling
also make
 the land infertile, worsening the preexisting issue of food scarcity.
Therefore
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, the importance of taking a balanced approach should be highlighted, to scientific advancement that focuses on caring for both human lives and the health of the surroundings that they depend on.
Furthermore
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, testing drugs on animals raises serious ethical concerns.
Although
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 ensuring the safety of novel medicines for human use is critical, prioritizing human health over animal rights is morally unacceptable. Animals ,much like humans, experience emotions and share the right to live freely and without unnecessary suffering. Subjecting them to prolonged captivity solely for testing can result in both physical and psychological suffering.
In contrast
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, we should have a responsibility to treat animals compassionately and avoid
such
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 acts of brutality in the name of human betterment. In conclusion,
while
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 improving people's lives is an important aim of science, I believe that it should never overshadow other vital objectives within the field. We must
also
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 give equal priority to environmental preservation and animal welfare, striking a balance between scientific progress and ethics for a better world.

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task achievement
While the essay presented a clear position and discussed multiple aspects related to the topic, more emphasis on specific examples that demonstrate the points made could enhance the impact of the argument. Consider incorporating concrete examples or case studies that illustrate the consequences of prioritizing human needs over the environment and animal rights.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a largely logical structure, with paragraphs delineating different aspects of the argument. However, a more explicit connection and transition between ideas could enhance the flow of the essay. Aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to signify the relationship between different points.
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