The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centres #influence #society

These days, adolescents are spending a vast portion of their leisure

time

in shopping

centers

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centres

show examples

. I believe that even though shopping

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

are a safe place for spending with friends and families, inordinate

time

spent in malls may impact both the individual and society adversely. In the following paragraphs, I shall propound my reasons.

To begin

with, I believe that people had better spend their free

time

to rejuvenate

Change the verb form

rejuvenating

show examples

their minds and

restore

Wrong verb form

restoring

show examples

their physical energy in order to get prepared for their daily responsibilities as a member of society.

However

, spending

time

in a shopping centre is a passive activity that not only refreshes an individual's energy but

also

all the hectic stimuli of city life can have opposite effects.

Also

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

usually

Add a comma

,usually

show examples

shopping

centers

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centres

show examples

are located in the middle of cities, far from nature and fresh air, Which can not contribute to a teenager's health.

On the other hand

, if a teenager spends lots of

time

in shopping

centers

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centres

show examples

, he may be tempted to spend all his money on purchasing unnecessary goods. Even though purchasing products

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

about happiness and satisfaction,

such

feeling is temporary and addictive.

For example

, a young person, who has done poorly in an exam may go to a shopping mall and splash out all his money to buy himself happiness, being reluctant that

this

kind of satisfaction is short-term.

On the other hand

, addictive shopping and consumerization are not without untold harm to the environment. From a scientist's point of view, irregular shopping may lead to pollution, since the more the demand is, the more the supply will be.

However

, shopping centres are usually not only a target place for shopping but

also

are facilitated with cafes and

restraunets

Correct your spelling

restraints

, offering adolescents a safe place to have reunions and meet with friends. Spending free

time

at shopping

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

once in a while is not a bad option, as long as young people are not addicted to it. To conclude, I believe that since shopping is a passive activity and shopping

centers

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centres

show examples

are located far from nature,

this

habit can not benefit a young person's health.

Moreover

, addictive shopping has consequences for society.

However

, if adolescents are careful about how much

time

they spend in shopping malls,

this

will not cause any harm.

Submitted by taravatpart1998 on Sun Aug 07 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

377 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

Fully explain your ideas

Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

With recent development in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, newspapers and magazines will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that these forms of media will never disappear. What is your opinion?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Governments give lots of supports to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.