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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Traditions become different from one generation to another that may be accepted differently by people. Do you agree or disagree that cultural changes are acceptable?

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Culture labels
distinction
Correct article usage
the distinction
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 of countries that evolve over time across generations. These modifications are seen by some as admissible
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 I
also
Linking Words
 support on the premise of perspective broadening. In essence, culture reshaping credits assured living. When people feel dignified about their traditions as an origin, change inspires them in a multitude of ways. It becomes more feasible to level up creativity and relevance as there is no need to cultivate from scratch. Sometimes, these are non-intentional but that of simple consequences of everyday decisions
just
Punctuation problem
, just
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 like how the Japanese are reinventing their
naturebased
Correct your spelling
nature-based
cuisine
Punctuation problem
cuisine,
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 for which they are known
for
Change preposition
apply
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, into a more
modern-apt
Punctuation problem
modern, apt
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 concoction to impress a new market breed. As
an effect
Check wording
a result
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, a communal way of life is attained without friction. In the same context, cultural adjustments are inescapable because life by no means remains continual
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 with the society’s age bracket fluctuations. These are to be fully embraced to keep up with transitions that come about because progress is not linear. Fruitful outcomes branch from keeping a radical attitude just like how Koreans have slowly created trends on forward-looking but discreet attires, which currently claim them a spot
of being
Change preposition
as
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 one of the forerunners in the world of fashion without making hanbok, their traditional clothing, obsolete. Indeed, adaptability reigns in countries where culture can freely make breakthroughs. With these insights, I am in accord with the stance of lifestyle heritage being altered as new generations come into
picture
Correct article usage
the picture
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.
This
Linking Words
 move does not, in any way, hamper a country’s identity but
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 fact, livens up direction and expansion both in scope and in depth.n of their implied responsibility.

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task response
Make your main idea more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you agree and why in simple words.
coherence and cohesion
Add one clear topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader follow your points more easily.
task response
Explain your examples more simply. Show how each example proves that culture change is acceptable.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'so' in a natural way. This will make the essay flow better.
task response
Some ideas are hard to understand because of long and complex wording. Use shorter and clearer sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check the ending. The last line has a mistake and looks unfinished. Make your conclusion clean and complete.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion: you agree that cultural change is acceptable.
task response
You use examples from Japan and Korea to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall shape with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs stay on the main topic of culture and change.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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