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Writing Samples
Band 6

Economic growth is one way to measure a country's success, but what else should we look at? which do you think is the most important?

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It is undeniable that looking into an economic advancement can be effective in figuring out how much a
country
Use synonyms
 has succeeded.
However
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, other factors are
also
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 considerable.
This
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 essay will suggest several ways to measure a nation's achievement and give my opinion about the paramount indicator.
To begin
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 with, not only economic growth but
also
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 other elements should be considered when measuring a
country
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's achievement. First of all, concentrating on how many young individuals are working is considerable.
For example
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, poor employment rates indicate that
this
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country
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 is experiencing a business depression which may culminate in reduced investments from other countries and business exchange opportunities.
Moreover
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, we should
also
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 focus on equality. To be specific, consider how friendly are the government's schemes to the disabled or the elderly.
Furthermore
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, gender equality can be an indicator.
However
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, among numerous elements to define how much a
country
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 has made it so far, I believe the number of facilities is the most important sector to consider the nation's achievement. To be specific, the more amenities are, the more people are cared
by
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for by
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 the government, and
this
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 means that the authority is wealthy and equipped enough to handle the expanded services.
Thus
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, they are likely to be successful.
For example
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, every developed
country
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 guarantees not only basic education but
also
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 healthcare for people, free of charge.
Thus
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, studying how many facilities are provided to individuals is essential. In conclusion, when we mark countries a good grades, we should look into their economic growth,
youngster's
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youngsters'
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 occupation rates, and disparity rates in various sections. In my opinion, we need to focus more on the amount of a
country
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's facilities as it is a highly effective way to measure a
country
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's triumph.

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Task Achievement
Consider integrating more specific examples to solidify your arguments. While you've provided good general examples, more concrete illustrations could enhance the relevance and depth of your points, increasing the overall effectiveness of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strive for variety in your sentence structures to enhance readability and interest. While your essay is well-structured, employing a wider range of sentence types can make your writing more engaging and demonstrate greater command of the language.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to the specificity of the language used, particularly when discussing abstract concepts. Using more precise vocabulary can help in clarifying your points and making your argument more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review the transition phrases and ensure they are varied and appropriately used to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next, enhancing the flow and cohesion of your essay.
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