IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #families #care #homes #home #trend
In recent times, most elder
people
 have been living in
care
 homes or nursing homes. The main advantage of
this
 trend is that it helps to improve their
life
's style and the main drawback is that it can affect their mental health. Moving to
care
Correct article usage
a care
show examples
home
 has several merits. On the one hand,
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 busy schedules,
people
 are trying to put their old parents in
care
 homes. The
care
home
 has a crucial part in its society. There are many benefits. which contribute to society.
Such
 as it helps to maintain their day-to-day
life
 without any difficulty whereas they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
regularly examine their health and treat them carefully.
For instance
, research shows, that in Uk aged over 70 , 70% of
people
 have been living in
Correct article usage
the elder's
show examples
elder's
Change noun form
elder
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and
treat
Wrong verb form
treated
show examples
 them well. If they live alone and have had illness it is very dangerous to who lives alone, that's why
this
 method is best.
Moreover
, old
people
 believe it will be helpful to their children because of their busy schedules. Well ,develop regions
people
 have trusted with nursing
care
 facilities. That's why the community satisfy their hospitality.
On the other hand
, the main disadvantage of
this
 phenomenon is that sometimes it can provide a negative impact on their
life
, Probably elders have to live in the same place end of their
life
.It can affect their mental well-being. Which leads to physical diseases.
For example
, research shows, in undeveloped countries, that older
people
 have been living in the same place and there are no extra-curriculum activities In conclusion, after a thorough analysis of the topic. Living elder
home
 has numerous benefits
instead
 of owning a
home
. It
also
 plays a vital role in its society. It can enforce the right method while It can reduce negative effects.
Submitted by Sasha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: