IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

We are surrounded by all kinds of advertising, which significantly influence our lives. Do the positive effects of advertising outweigh its negative effects?

Nowadays, we are living in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 world prevalent with various
advertisements
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, which significantly influence our lives.
People
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 of all ages are affected by advertising.
However
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, I think that the negative
effects
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 of advertising outweigh its positive
effects
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.
To begin
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 with, with television or online advertising,
people
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 can get easy access to multiple goods.
For example
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,
people
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 can find about the most updated
computer
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 through advertising. They can
then
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 compare
between
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apply
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the
advertisements
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 and choose the most suitable
computer
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.
The advertising
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Advertising
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 makes shopping more conveniently and efficiently, as
people
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 can gain enough information on
products
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 without going to different stores. Granted that advertising allows
people
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get
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to get
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 more information about the latest
products
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,
people
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 still lose money and time making insensible purchases.
For example
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, some TV advertising on
make-ups
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make-up
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 or perfumes targets female customers, and
people
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 will be informed that these
products
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 will make them more glorious or attractive.
People
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 will have
impusivle
Correct your spelling
impulsive
 shopping and
thus
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 waste a large amount of money.
In addition
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, the elderly
is
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are
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also
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 the target for commercial advertising on
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health
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healthy
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 food. The company may exaggerate the effect of these
products
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 on promoting
health
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. Lured by the advertising, old
people
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 will spend thousands buying so-called
health
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 supplements. These
products
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 might cause
adverse
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an adverse
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old
people
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,
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apply
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 when they choose not to seek medical care and rely only on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 food.
Children
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 are
also
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 easily influenced by
the
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apply
show examples
advertising. The
advertisements
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of
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for
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computer
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games
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 are extremely attractive. School
children
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 will beg their parents to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
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games
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, and some
children
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 will become addicted to the
games
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 and will get poor marks in school work. Some parents insist
not
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on not
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to buy
Change the verb form
buying
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games
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 for their
children
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, who will become very unhappy especially when most of their peers are discussing
about
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apply
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the
games
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 in
the
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apply
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school.
Children
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 will have
intense
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an intense
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 with their parents.
In addition
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, some
advertising
Replace the word
advertisements
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 might advocate and promote dangerous
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 including reckless driving and alcohol to attract more potential customers.
Adolenscents
Correct your spelling
Adolescents
 might be lured to the pub and even try drugs. Young teenagers might become drug addicts and break the laws to satisfy their needs. These
advertisements
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 might affect
the
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apply
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young
people
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 both physically and psychologically. In conclusion,
although
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 advertising can provide more information on the
products
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 for
people
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, the negative
effects
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 outweigh the positive
effects
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 in the case of costing
people
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 money to make impulsive purchases and lure
children
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 to drugs or alcohol.

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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