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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the improvement of health system, society should care of their elderly people. Do you feel that society can cope in the increasing number of elderly people and how can it be managed?

The efficiency of today’s health
care
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 system
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
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 debatable with its progressive improvements.
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Community
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The community
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 has to
care
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a
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for a
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big number of elderly
people
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, with the rise of
health
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the health
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 sector.
Although
Linking Words
 the number of elder
people
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 is increasing day by day, I think that
society
Use synonyms
 can easily handle it and it can be managed by taking
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
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 will be capable to cope
up
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apply
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with old
people
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 if they acknowledge their responsibilities. Every
people
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 who
is
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are
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 young now has to be
old
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an old
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 turned old citizen at one day. So, they are
the
Correct article usage
a
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 part of our culture.
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The youngster
A youngster
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Youngster
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Youngsters
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 should have to aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 their concern
to
Change preposition
with
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elderly
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the elderly
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community
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 and know how to treat
with
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apply
show examples
them
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
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as a result
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 they will become
understand
Replace the word
understandable
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to
Change preposition
of
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 their liability which may help to take
care
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 of old
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when a person know
Add an article
the concern
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concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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 about their duties, they will try to cover
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 resulting in the work will be accomplished.
Hence
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, when
young
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the young
a young
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community
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 of
society
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 will maintain their responsibility, the number of old
people
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 can
coped
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cope
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up by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them easily.
However
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, nowadays a common topic is how it will be maintained
?
Change the punctuation
.
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Society
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 can manage to take
care
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 of old
people
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 by spending time with them.
In addition
Linking Words
, by keeping a guard for them who take
care
Use synonyms
 of their health. Passing time with
Correct your spelling
elderly
older
olderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
 persons can make them happy and a medical practitioner can make them healthy by providing accurate
Correct your spelling
treatment
treatement
Correct your spelling
treatment
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when two
people
Use synonyms
 spend time together, they forget their all stress of life and by
Correct your spelling
grasping
gossiping
grassiping
Add a comma
,grassiping
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 they enjoy
this
Linking Words
 moment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a nurse can know how to about his duty to how can make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 healthy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, taking
care
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 of old
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 can be managed easily by giving some necessary steps.  In conclusion, older
people
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 an inseparable part of our
society
Use synonyms
. So,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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community
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 of
society
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 should take
care
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 of them by taking help to advocate
healthcare
Change preposition
for healthcare
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. And I think
people
Use synonyms
 can
done
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 it easily

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