IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think living in a big city is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The migration of men from rural settlements to big cities, for better opportunities, has been as old as mankind.
However
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,
Its
Fix capitalization
its
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 effects have  raised some concerns as a fraction of  citizens believed it negatively affects their health. I strongly agree with
this
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 claim as urbanisation could lead to mental disorders
as well as
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increased
Correct article usage
an increased
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 incidence of diseases.
To begin
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 with, the urban settlement has been linked with poor housing conditions
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 could negatively affect one’s mental health. To clarify, people living in slums are faced with a myriad of problems ranging from low self-esteem to socioeconomic bullying
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could result in depression. To illustrate, a study by the
psychiatric society
Fix capitalization
Psychiatric Society
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 of Nigeria cited poor housing as a major factor in depression.
Hence
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, inappropriate living conditions could cause an increased number of mental disorders.
Conversely
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, it is true that there are better job opportunities in the cities compared to rural settlements.
This
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 is because of the establishment of big industries that require the expertise of skilled individuals.
Nevertheless
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,  these industries contribute to city pollution by disposing waste into the sea, air and land.
For instance
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, there has been an increase in the number of patients with lung diseases in the southern area of Nigeria
due to
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 the increased amount of soot produced by the oil refineries.
Thus
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, inhaling
such
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 waste had caused an increased incidence of lung disease in that area. In conclusion, living in the city has a negative impact on the health  of the citizens
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 it is linked with pollution
as well as
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 poor housing conditions.

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structuring
Plan your essay before you write. Make an outline with your main idea and a plan for your examples.
argument
Show both sides or give a strong view with evidence. The task asks for your view and a fair talk about the topic.
cohesion
Use clear links to join ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'for example'.
grammar
Check your grammar and spelling. Fix errors like capital use and long sentences.
structure
You take a clear position on the issue.
evidence
You give examples tied to health issues.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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