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Band 7.5

School curriculum has become more flexible in many countr ies. Some people argue that students should be given a right to choose what they study in school. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

#school #curriculum #countr #ies #people #students #right #study
More and more schools have started letting
students
 choose what to study in
class
. Some people think it is a good curriculum for the development of
students
overall
,
while
 it is
also
 argued by some that it has some negative aspects for young people. I agree with the former and will state some reasons in
this
 essay. First of all, the introduction of the curriculum which allows
students
 to decide what they want to learn at
school
 leads to the most studying efficiency way in the end. It is apparent that people learn more about something in which they are interested rather than being forced to take
classes
 in which they are not. I am an example of
this
 myself. When I was in high
school
, I did not enjoy the math
class
 and ended up consuming nothing from the
class
 at the time of graduation.
On the other hand
, English
class
 was my favourite, which resulted in good scores on English exams because I was willing to learn the
class
.
In addition
, because of the flexibility of
classes
 they can select, youngsters learn the skills they need in their future careers. Some compulsory subjects taught at
school
,
such
 as geography and math might be unnecessary for certain jobs, and
students
 can take more
classes
 providing them with more important things to achieve their future jobs if there is no need to take the mandatory learning
classes
. A good example of
this
 is my uncle who is a pianist. He went to a musical
school
 throughout entire his
school
 days and
finally
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 one of the greatest pianists in the world. It is obvious that his achievement was accomplished because he was able to spend his all-time practising and learning the music. In conclusion, I believe that the idea of giving
students
 opportunities to choose what they study has some benefits for them because of the efficiency of learning and the means of achieving their future dream jobs.
Submitted by ockn93 on

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coherence cohesion
Although the structure is mostly logical, some paragraphs could benefit from more clear topic sentences and transitions. Consider starting each paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supportive details.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, providing more diverse examples could strengthen your argument. Try using examples from different contexts such as international perspectives or using statistical evidence.
task achievement
Your essay clearly states a position and supports it effectively with personal examples, which makes your argument more relatable and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-formulated, effectively setting up your argument and summarizing it nicely at the end.
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