Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated to marine parks for the purpose of education and entertainment. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Explain your reasons and support them with specific examples.

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Lately, relocating sea

creatures

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from their natural home to recreational parks for educational and leisure purposes is highly possible.

Although

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it greatly improves kids'

knowledge

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these days, I believe that destroying aquatic

creatures

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' lives outweighs the benefits. One benefit of taking away the

ocean

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’s biota from its natural habitat for recreational purposes is that it greatly improves individuals'

knowledge

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about

ocean

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life.

This

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is because it's easier for people to physically see all the

creatures

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in the

ocean

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without needing to travel far away to the middle of the

ocean

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As a result

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this

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will improve human

knowledge

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about the

ocean

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's flora and fauna closely.

For example

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Ocean

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World, a recreational park for sea

creatures

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in Indonesia is mostly used as an object for

ocean

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fauna behaviour research conducted by zoologies.

However

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, I believe that

this

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argument is weaker because the negative natural effects are bigger than the benefits. One of the disadvantages is that when aquatic

creatures

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are taken away from their habitat, they are more likely to have a shorter lifetime.

That is

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say

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say,

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because the stress levels of those

creatures

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are spiking when they are transported to the destination place far away from home.

Furthermore

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This

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high-stress

Correct your spelling

high stress

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level leads to vulnerability to death.

For example

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, in Japan there are some groups of recreational park owners who take 50 dolphins from the open

ocean

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to their business places,

this

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leads to half of the dolphins passing away 3 days prior to arrival.

Thus

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, I believe

this

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argument is stronger

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apply

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because

this

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means people are destroying aquatic life. In conclusion,

although

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transporting aquatic life from the

ocean

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to recreational parks can boost human

knowledge

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about

ocean

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biota, I believe that taking away those

creatures

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' lives is a major drawback. For these reasons, I believe that the negatives far outweigh the positives

rizkyrizalzalTue Nov 28 2023

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task response

Ensure all parts of the task are sufficiently and evenly covered. While the essay addresses both sides, it is heavily biased towards one without much balance in the discussion.

task response

Develop the main points more thoroughly, ensuring that each paragraph fully expands on the ideas presented. Strive to present more intricate arguments which fully address the complexities of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Provide clearer topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is logically developed.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the readability of your text. Try to improve the transitions between ideas to maintain a better flow.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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