Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated to marine parks for the purpose of education and entertainment. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Explain your reasons and support them with specific examples.
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Lately, relocating sea
creatures
from their natural home to recreational parks for educational and leisure purposes is highly possible. Use synonyms
Although
it greatly improves kids' Linking Words
knowledge
these days, I believe that destroying aquatic Use synonyms
creatures
' lives outweighs the benefits.
One benefit of taking away the Use synonyms
ocean
’s biota from its natural habitat for recreational purposes is that it greatly improves individuals' Use synonyms
knowledge
about Use synonyms
ocean
life. Use synonyms
This
is because it's easier for people to physically see all the Linking Words
creatures
in the Use synonyms
ocean
without needing to travel far away to the middle of the Use synonyms
ocean
. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
this
will improve human Linking Words
knowledge
about the Use synonyms
ocean
's flora and fauna closely. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
Ocean
World, a recreational park for sea Use synonyms
creatures
in Indonesia is mostly used as an object for Use synonyms
ocean
fauna behaviour research conducted by zoologies. Use synonyms
However
, I believe that Linking Words
this
argument is weaker because the negative natural effects are bigger than the benefits.
One of the disadvantages is that when aquatic Linking Words
creatures
are taken away from their habitat, they are more likely to have a shorter lifetime. Use synonyms
That is
to Linking Words
say
because the stress levels of those Add a comma
say,
creatures
are spiking when they are transported to the destination place far away from home. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, Linking Words
This
Linking Words
high-stress
level leads to vulnerability to death. Correct your spelling
high stress
For example
, in Japan there are some groups of recreational park owners who take 50 dolphins from the open Linking Words
ocean
to their business places, Use synonyms
this
leads to half of the dolphins passing away 3 days prior to arrival. Linking Words
Thus
, I believe Linking Words
this
argument is strongerLinking Words
,
because Remove the comma
apply
this
means people are destroying aquatic life.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
transporting aquatic life from the Linking Words
ocean
to recreational parks can boost human Use synonyms
knowledge
about Use synonyms
ocean
biota, I believe that taking away those Use synonyms
creatures
' lives is a major drawback. For these reasons, I believe that the negatives far outweigh the positivesUse synonyms
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task response
Ensure all parts of the task are sufficiently and evenly covered. While the essay addresses both sides, it is heavily biased towards one without much balance in the discussion.
task response
Develop the main points more thoroughly, ensuring that each paragraph fully expands on the ideas presented. Strive to present more intricate arguments which fully address the complexities of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is logically developed.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the readability of your text. Try to improve the transitions between ideas to maintain a better flow.