Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated to marine parks for the purpose of education and entertainment. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Explain your reasons and support them with specific examples.
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Lately, relocating sea
creatures
from their natural home to recreational parks for educational and leisure purposes is highly possible. Although
it greatly improves kids' knowledge
these days, I believe that destroying aquatic creatures
' lives outweighs the benefits.
One benefit of taking away the ocean
’s biota from its natural habitat for recreational purposes is that it greatly improves individuals' knowledge
about ocean
life. This
is because it's easier for people to physically see all the creatures
in the ocean
without needing to travel far away to the middle of the ocean
. As a result
, this
will improve human knowledge
about the ocean
's flora and fauna closely. For example
, Ocean
World, a recreational park for sea creatures
in Indonesia is mostly used as an object for ocean
fauna behaviour research conducted by zoologies. However
, I believe that this
argument is weaker because the negative natural effects are bigger than the benefits.
One of the disadvantages is that when aquatic creatures
are taken away from their habitat, they are more likely to have a shorter lifetime. That is
to say
because the stress levels of those Add a comma
say,
creatures
are spiking when they are transported to the destination place far away from home. Furthermore
, This
high-stress
level leads to vulnerability to death. Correct your spelling
high stress
For example
, in Japan there are some groups of recreational park owners who take 50 dolphins from the open ocean
to their business places, this
leads to half of the dolphins passing away 3 days prior to arrival. Thus
, I believe this
argument is stronger,
because Remove the comma
apply
this
means people are destroying aquatic life.
In conclusion, although
transporting aquatic life from the ocean
to recreational parks can boost human knowledge
about ocean
biota, I believe that taking away those creatures
' lives is a major drawback. For these reasons, I believe that the negatives far outweigh the positivesSubmitted by rizkyrizalzal on
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task response
Ensure all parts of the task are sufficiently and evenly covered. While the essay addresses both sides, it is heavily biased towards one without much balance in the discussion.
task response
Develop the main points more thoroughly, ensuring that each paragraph fully expands on the ideas presented. Strive to present more intricate arguments which fully address the complexities of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is logically developed.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the readability of your text. Try to improve the transitions between ideas to maintain a better flow.
